On demise of a dear friend

I still remember your eyes when they beseeched me ‘no, don’t leave me’. I literally pulled my self away from that window, looking at you till my car turned the corner. Then your image receding not only because we moved further away but because the tears in my eyes blurred your image. Little did I realize that in just a few hours time you would leave me, never to come back again. Never. So final….

Remembered all the pranks we played together, the movies that made us laugh and cry together. The ‘not-so-nice’ jokes…those attempts at make- up and silly dresses we tried. Translating advertisements into our mother tongue and laughing till I our sides ached. After watching gone with the wind we used to try our scarlett-o-Hara’s (Vivienne Leigh) dialogues.

I sometimes wonder….would it have been possible you would be alive if if if if only I had stayed back with u that day??? Tell me dear departed friend. But why my dearest friend such a drastic step? You consumed a full strip of sleeping tablets and then just to be sure you die you hanged yourself……why?? Others in the house did not know it when u took the long heavy stool from the kitchen to your bedroom, and your husband was out of town.

Did the loss of your only child pain you so much. I too miss Aabhalika. I remember the dreams you had for her. You could have had another. It definitely was not your fault that she had a congenital heart disease and it was diagnosed late. I know people told you that you gave importance to career over your motherly duties. You knew it was not true. People are just jealous about successful people. I had reassured you about that. Then what happened? Did somebody say something to you that night after we left?

In your last moments…(they said) you had kept strewn around you all the things/gifts I gave you over the years. Did it give you some amount of comfort? They would not let me see you cos I was pregnant with my first baby. You sometimes scolded me like you were my mother and sometime I too became your mother naa?? Remember the tricks we would conjure to drive our respective husbands crazy

I remember you….shaking your curly hairs, dimpling into a smile and waving your fingers at me…’you are going to be fat’. You used to be envious of my long straight silky hair. My girls are now 19 and 17 years old, and attend college. How soon time flies.

Its 20 years since I lost you. I miss you so much. Your husband has remarried and has children. Does he still remember you?? I don’t know. We do meet and talk but we are very like strangers. His wife is sweet but I could not get very cozy with her. His children are 17 and 15 now

Was your ego too much that u had to go away to prove some point? It is actually the people who are left behind who suffer do you know that??Anyways where ever you are, I am sure you know I think of you on your birthday and on mine. Also whenever I am happy and when I am sad.Its been so long..but things are still fresh. Sometimes I feel so lonely when I have so many things to tell and not a soul as dear as you, to listen to me…

What was this rare bond we shared. We knew each other only for two years but I have memories of our friendship that will last me a life time. I share our escapades with both my daughters and make them laugh.

Wish life had 'undo' button.....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST